Starting Over…. Again

I woke up today, walked over to my weighing scale and weighed myself. Seeing the number on the scale was showing me that I was gaining back the weight I worked so hard last summer to lose. I’ve been seeing this number more consistently everyday on the scale. Not losing, not gaining, just consistent.

And although I know it is okay to always have your weight fluctuate. To me, it is my brain telling me I’m failing. It’s not a big fail that I’ve gained a couple pounds and by a couple I mean 5. The feeling of failing comes from the lack of discipline that I have lost after working so hard to GAIN that same discipline that helped me lose the 16 lbs I needed to lose. And it’s showing. My confidence is slipping and my biggest fear is gaining it all back.

I’ve always had body issues like everyone. But I never have told anyone about it. Because I think if I never talked about, it wouldn’t exist. But until recently it definitely does exist and it’s a lot worse than I thought it was.

This last year, working on myself and my body has helped me mentally but it has also shown me what slacking does for me…… puts me back where I was before. I see that now. And it’s been causing me a lot of anxiety. But I think the anxiety is what is pushing me to try to get back into that routine of discipline again.

When I started working out and working on my self last year, I was working out of at least 15-20 mins every morning. Walking for at least a half hour around my neighborhood. Eating better making better choices when eating. Taking my supplements. Just simple small changes on top of everything I would normally do everyday between home life and work life. I was counting calories and counting steps and I definitely stopped all of that.

SO with that, I woke up this morning, ran to target after dropping my little one off at school, picked up my supplements again and picked up a small lunch pouch to start bringing my lunch or dinner to work so I stop ordering food from work. I forced myself to start my workout routines again it may look a little different than before but it works for me. And I am currently charging my Apple Watch after not using it for months.

My point of this is, that it is okay to start over again. No matter what day, what time, it’s okay to start over again whenever. It’s okay to feel anxiety and to feel like you are failing. Everyone feels like this at some point. It is very normal.

My daily tarot card pull that I did after all of this, this morning, even showed me and affirmed that I am in the direction I need to be going. I am holding onto this feeling of gratitude that I could push myself just a little bit this morning. And I hope I can stick to it because I’ve done it before and I know I can do it again.

• Blessed be, Ashley